Being Dead Is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies Guide To Hosting the Perfect Funeral

Being Dead Is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral - Gayden Metcalfe, Charlotte Hays

This is a little guide to help you host the perfect funeral, from a Southern's Pov. Yes, it's written tongue in cheek.
There were several paragraphs I found my self nodding my head while reading. One paragraph went on talking about "a Cocoa-Cola (pronounced "co-cola"), which in the South means any soft drink.."

Here's the Chapter titles:
Dying Tastefully in the Mississippi Delta
“The last time somebody was cremated, his ashes were sprinkled from a crop duster. We all ran for cover. We liked him fine, but we didn't want him all over our good clothes.”


The Methodist Ladies vs. the Episcopal Ladies
"The Episcopalian ideal of a gentleman is a man who, if a lady falls down drunk, will pick her up off the floor and freshen up her drink. You practically have to be on the list for your second liver transplant before a Southern Episcopalian notices that you drink too much."

 

"Did I hurt my knees yesterday afternoon doing the Stations of the Cross? Or did I do it falling down drunk last night?" That, in a nutshell, is the spirit of Southern Episcopalianism."


Who Died? Stuffed Eggs, Etiquette, and Delta Pate'
"Stuffed eggs are associated so closely with death that any time you see a lady of the house getting down the egg plate, you might well ask,"Who died?"


I Was So Embarrassed I Liketa Died
"..when somebody's drink runs low, people of Mrs.Filson Jessup's generation liked to say, "Let me put a patch on that drink." The Handmaiden put about three patches on Sis's drink, and then Sis rolled off the sofa...


Comfort Foods: There Is a Balm in Campbell's Soup
"whenever you mix high-carbohydrate anything with Velveeta or mushroom soup, you will produce a dish guaranteed to bring comfort."


Suitably Boxed: Meringue Shells, Pecan Tassies....and You
The Restorative Cocktail